⚠️ NOTICE: We are currently NOT accepting manuscripts written in "Pheromone B." It smells like rotting pear and upsets the Editor.
1. Manuscript Formatting
To ensure immediate rejection, please adhere strictly to the following impossible standards:
Font: All text must be set in Comic Sans Serif, size 11.3pt. Not 11pt. Not 12pt. 11.3pt.
Margins: Left margin must be 1 inch. Right margin must be 3mm. Top margin must be jagged (simulating a bitten leaf).
Substrate: Do not submit digital files (PDF). Manuscripts must be physically etched onto a dried Oak Leaf. Maple leaves will be composted unread.
Word Count: Abstract must be exactly 100 words. If it is 99 or 101 words, the paper will be fed to the aphids.
2. The Peer Review Process
The OJFS utilizes a Triple-Blind Review Process:
Blind 1: The Author does not know who the Reviewer is.
Blind 2: The Reviewer does not know who the Author is.
Blind 3: The Reviewer is literally blind (a cave-dwelling beetle) and cannot read.
Review time is typically 6-8 weeks, or "until the leaf disintegrates," whichever comes first.
3. Article Processing Charges (APCs)
Publishing is free, but "Processing" requires a caloric sacrifice. Fees must be paid upon submission.
Submission Type
Fee (Standard)
Fee (Expedited)
Original Research
40g Granulated Sugar
1/2 Snickers Bar (King Size)
Review Article
1 Dead Cricket (Fresh)
The Left Leg of a Grasshopper
Letter to the Editor
1 Drop of Dew
Your First-Born Larva
4. Mandatory Checklist
I confirm that this research was not conducted by a Spider in disguise.
I have successfully navigated the "Captcha" (carrying a twig over a pebble).
I understand that if my paper is rejected, I may be eaten.
5. Submit Your Work
Please drag your leaf to Sector 7G (behind the toaster) and leave it in the "Inbox" (a pile of dust). If you do not hear back within 24 hours, assume your paper was used as bedding.